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A Modest Proposal for Eurovision 2011: Picking Germany’s Host City

I realize that I am neither Stefan Raab nor any of the powers that be in the German Television Industry, but I have a modest proposal for Eurovision 2011.

As we all know, Eurovision is a really important event every year. The fact is that it is a cultural phenomenon that is watched by millions of people every year. It is, in fact, one of the most watched television programs in the world. More people watch Eurovision than watch the Super Bowl.

Seriously.

Accordingly, hosting Eurovision is a great responsibility—it is an opportunity to showcase the country and it’s touristic opportunities. I have direct evidence of this: The Ukraine relaxed its visa regulations when they hosted the competition and I went to the Ukraine as a result.

As such the selection of where the competition should be held is terrifically important. If the competition is hosted in Frankfurt, for example, it would be a colossal disaster. Visitors from around the world would get to see what is clearly German’s cesspool. We know that the best restaurant in the city is at the train station—I know the place: it’s good and I’ve eaten there. Television reporters from around the world would interview the heroin addicts on the street and families from everywhere would decide that Brussels is better suited for their impending vacation.

So here is my modest proposal: the contest must be held some place picturesque. Some place with historical significance and a minimal amount of, shall we say, ugly architecture. Perhaps some place that truly great Germans have called home. And since, as we know, music is poetry, perhaps Eurovision should follow the path of Germany’s greatest poets: Goethe and Schiller.

Yes, Weimar is the logical host for Eurovision 2011.

Seriously: There is a fabulous National Theater in the city center, a perfect venue for an event of this cultural significance and prestige. The Weimar National Theater is one of only two in Germany—so we know that it is in exclusive company. The city is also well known for its cultural significance: it’s the European Capital of Culture (1999).

Supporting Eurovision is the the Hochschule für Musik “Franz Liszt”—a college of music, and if there is anything Eurovision is about, it’s about the music. I am sure that the college would be more than thrilled to assist in the staging of the music, plus in hosting all the fine musical artists who would come to participate in Eurovision.

About the only problem I can see with my proposal is the lack of adequate hotel rooms—and toward this end, I hereby offer to host an act in my apartment. I’ve got plenty of space and I’m a short walk from the National Theater.

Surely they cannot pick any other city: Weimar is up for the challenge and would be honored to be selected.

12 comments to A Modest Proposal for Eurovision 2011: Picking Germany’s Host City

  • So, a heroine addict would get high on Jane Austen? Right?

    • You are so right.

      Thank you for picking up and pointing out the typo…. I’ve substituted heroin for heroine in the post… and I am laughing about it!

  • Stop it with the Frankfurt bashing already.
    You obviously have a stick up your butt about this great city.
    Or a lack of one, choose for yourself.

    No other German City has as many entrles on architectural websites or catalogues.
    Or as great a selection of beautiful vistas turning up on a Google search: http://bit.ly/9YbISv.
    As for the “street life”, a little comparison: San Francisco probably has the highest amount of homeless people in the US, yet still remains the nation’s (world’s) most beautiful city. Similarly, the junkies don’t take away from Frankfurt very much IMHO.

    to cap it off, BY YOUR OWN LOGIC, Frankfurt should be picked to represent Germany.
    It was birthplace and longtime home to Goethe, the FUCKING BIRTHPLACE OF GERMAN DEMOCRACY and is in every respect a superior representation of Germany than an ex-commie village like Weimar.

  • jen

    I was wondering why Sparky’s ears were red. When he gets upset his ears light up and that is always fun to see.

    Dude, Sparks needs to chill out. Sorry, Adam. I’ll do my best to pull the stick out of his butt later, as I am probably the one who put it there…

    He’s the same way with me when I start bashing Frankfurt. And don’t even get him started with how Germans are portrayed in movies. Yes. They are always bad guys with funny accents. Or Sprocket dumb guys or Nihilist.

    Perhaps we can really get his goat at the meet-up by bashing bother Germans from Frankfurt.

  • Hmph. I might have to pull a Keith Olberman here.
    Maybe I went a little too far with the stick comment.
    Clearly that was an invitation for the wifey to turn tables on me.

    So… sorry.

    There, I said it.

    • oh wow!

      The comments that are made while I’m not looking.

      I might note that Goethe didn’t have a choice in where he was born and raised, but he did choose Weimar.

      😉

      • As an aside, I for the life of me can’t figure out what people find so great about Goethe.

        He wrote an inconsequential novella about the twists of the not-yet-adult mind… and some pretty, yet more-pretentious-than-substantive poetry like “Faust” or “Faust II” that enables Grade-School Headmasters and other Intellecto-douchebags to feel superior to others for having memorized them, despite knowing absolutely NOTHING about anything of value.

        Also, although he is counted as a polymath, he failed at pretty much every scientific endeavour he undertook.

        One would think that Frankfurt should take more pride in the likes of Otto Hahn than in an admittedly intelligent, but ultimately useless flake like Goethe.

  • AnkiH

    As much as I love to see Weimar in a pop-related-european context; I think they already have chosen their 4 cities to go – out of them, I am much in for of course: Berlin.
    How big was the hall in Olso? Huge! Never would fit the same amount of people in the National Theater Weimar.

    Oh, and by that way; Weimar is the birthplace of the very first german democracy, called Weimarer Verfassung from 1919.

  • Michele J

    Dr. B. and I follow local opera/theater politics quite closely and I can tell you it will be a cold day in hell before Stephan Märki allows Eurovision to be held at the Nationaltheater. Berlin seems like a shoo-in (almost wrote shoe-in, goes well with heroine addicts), but I think somewhere like Munich or Dresden might be interesting too. If I had to place money though, my bet would be on Cologne.

  • Reko

    Methinks I detect a certain “Frankfurtfeindlichkeit” in thy words, Adamo!
    Of course, I would suggest that even more attention should be paid to trying to recruit at least one song and one performer for the contest, wherever it might be held, that are not beneath contempt. It seems to me that Frankfurt is, if anything, WAY TOO CLASSY for the “music” generally associated with Eurovision. This was not always true. Back in 1967 “Vicky” performed the soulful L’amour est bleue for Luxembourg, while in 1973 Mocedades, representing Spain, offered one of the most beautiful popular songs ever with Eres tú. Just sayin’.

  • I’ve been in the city center of Wiemar and have seen the National Theater there. While it is a very nice and scenic venue, I doubt the Theaterplatz could accommodate the masses of humanity that would want to be present for the event.

    Deutsche Bahn probably couldn’t handle the out of town traffic, people driving in couldn’t find a place to park, and the buses would probably break an axle under the weight of the people riding them into town.

    I think Berlin would be a better choice…. they probably have a venue more suitable for such an event.

    Frankfurt from what I could see is the Phoenix, Arizona of Germany. Useful as a transit point if you’re passing through, but not somewhere you’d want to be.

  • Wrong, wrong, wrong… (tee hee heee, so unlike me)
    Sorry Adam, but the ONLY logical place for the Grand Prix is most certainly Berlin. Come ON! By then YOU will be HERE! Why wouldn’t you want it to be in your new home city? Second… well IT’S BERLIN!

    Really the Eurovision is a logistical nightmare. My sources say that the preparation time before the event (rehearsals, set design, etc) is as much as eight weeks. The new O2 Arena is almost fully booked for this period of time, and the Max-Schmelling Halle (home of the Bundesvision Song Contest) is similarly booked.

    The only other reasonable option is the Internationales Congress Centrum (ICC Berlin). While there are plenty of events planned at the ICC through this time period, none will take up the largest hall which would easily host such a big gathering.

    Next, the building looks like it is ready at any moment for space flight. Amongst all the kitsch surrounding the Grand Prix… wouldn’t the event location looking like a space ship just add to the crazy feeling?

    Besides, I have a special “in” with the ICC and I see myself getting great seats, or ahem… even working with the event itself!

    Sing it with me
    Berlin! Berlin!
    Wir fahren nach Berlin!
    Berlin! Berlin!
    Wir fahren nach Berlin!