Pick-A-Day

August 2020
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Whatchamacallit 135: #BYDTTT

BYDTTT

The very first Kickstarter project that I backed was this, the Bring Your Dick To The Table, by Holly Wilson. I supported the project in March 2014.

With the charge that, “If all that separates us is a dick, then here is mine. Now lets get down to business,” the project was

Pledge Summary
AMOUNT PLEDGED
$165.00 USD

REWARD
A Sterling Silver Dick packaged in the robin’s egg blue pouch and gift box, a T-Shirt, a Magnet and a color Post Card. In addition to your items you will receive project updates and a Thank You on our Website and Facebook Page.

It was originally supposed to be delivered in July 2014, but I ended up receiving mine in December 2014 or so.

I’m generally happy with my spare dick.

It’s diminutive size makes it impractical for general display, so it spends most of its time resting inside its pouch and inside its gift box.

This is intended as a fun reminder that woman are equal and not a second class citizen.

This is about gender inequality.

* We are not making any kind of sexual statement.
* This is not a sex toy.
* This is not a toy for children

Unfortunately I have no idea what happened to the supporting materials – the t-shirt, the magnet, and the postcard.


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.

Whatchamacallit 134: Adam, 1977

Adam, 1977

The artplate displayed – as it is both a magnificent piece of art and a plate one can dine off of – is drawn by one of the 20th century’s greatest unknown artists.

Me.

Apparently, it was a thing to give children markers and tell them to draw, turning the resulting thing into a plate. Clearly, I was given three markers: a teal-blue, a legit purple, and what I can only think of as depressing grey.

This is what I drew.

When I was three.

I have to wonder what I was thinking when I made this masterpiece.

I also have to wonder why my Mother kept it for so many years – she gave it to me about five years ago.

Assumedly it is supposed to remind me of my childhood or something – but I do not recall having seen this plate – or the 1978 version – before it was given it was given to me in my 40s. Clearly it spent much of its life stuck in a drawer somewhere in the house, well hidden from any innocent eyes.

The bottom of the plate has a logo on it – “Texas Ware.”

I’m some how still attached to this plate, I cannot bring myself to dispose of it – but I can also honestly say that this is the first time it has left its drawer since arriving in Berlin.

It will return shortly.


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.

Whatchamacallit 133: Tidewalker Whiskey

Tidewalker Whiskey

I bought this bottle of whiskey last August in Portland, Maine.

Portland, Maine, was the second of three stops I made in New England: the first was Western Massachusetts to see a high school friend; the third Boston to meet other friends.

I chose Portland because I’d never been there – I’ve been to (and love) its western eponym.

My plan was to explore the city, watch some baseball, and eat lots of lobster rolls.

Unfortunately, this part of my trip was marred by the fact that I arrived in town with an utterly massive cold, maybe even the flu. I’d been fine in Western Massachusetts, but when I got on the bus to Portland, I thought to myself, “I’m not feeling so great.” By the time I got to the hotel, I got a box that was waiting for me, took my suitcase, and went straight into my room and even faster into bed.

I did venture out that afternoon, going to a nearby Rite-Aid that was days away from being rebranded Walgreens. As a result, I got to enjoy store-brand drugs that eased my pain at 50% off their regular price. I also went to the Portland Food Co-op next door, where I watched an attractive young man who was visiting the area buy a nice variety of foods that he was clearly going to cook for dinner: had I not been incredibly sick and unable to talk, I would have asked him about it – instead I paid for my pre-made sandwich and a variety of other healthy snacks before walking back to my hotel and going to back to bed.

I wonder how I would handle this kind of illness in the Covid-19 era.

By the next morning, I wasn’t feeling spritely, but I also was not feeling awful – rather, I had a rude awakening when the fire alarm went off – so I grabbed some clothes, descended the stairs, and watched Portland’s finest make sure that the errant waffle iron hadn’t set the building ablaze.

Well into my era of buying local whisk(e)y wherever I travel, I’d already planned my big Portland, Maine, whiskey purchase: Tidewalker – distilled in Portland by New England Distilling; LLC. This is a bottle of Batch 13.

I do not know how much I paid for this bottle, but I can tell you that it does have a “ME/VT 15¢ DEPOSIT” – as clearly stated on the back of the bottle. One wonders how frequently the empties are returned.

This is one that I am looking forward to opening – I hope that one is able to taste the coast. That said, there do not seem to be any accessible reviews of the product. All I can find is the distillery’s own description:

Tidewalker is an old Maine term for logs that made it all the way down river and bobbed around in the inter-tidal zone wreaking a little navigational havoc; a fitting name for a bourbon whiskey distilled on the coast of Maine. Tidewalker is made from corn, local barley, caramel malt and a generous portion of wheat. It’s a crisp bourbon with flavors of corn, maple syrup and toasted pecan, transitioning to cocoa and dried apricot.

Prost!


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.

Whatchamacallit 132: i’i shetland

i'i shetland

This copy of i’i shetland is from my visit to the Shetland Islands in 2013.

i’i shetland is a magazine clearly aimed at locals – more so than any other magazine of this ilk that I’ve ever had the pleasure to read.

The reason I kept the magazine was the “celebrations parties” section at the back of the magazine. It features photographs of locals out celebrating events – birthdays and hen parties.

It was the “French” themed party that caught my attention: while most of the attendees wore stereotypical French clothing, 9 of the guests showed up dressed as frogs.

I cannot tell you how much I laughed upon seeing the photo the first time.

Party in Shetland.

That photo is the sole reason I did not recycle the magazine, instead it sits on a shelf and whenever I run into it, I remember the photo and I start laughing all over again.

Does that make me a bad person?


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.

Whatchamacallit 131: Grow A Boyfriend

Grow A Boyfriend

This boyfriend was a present from a friend – I think I know which one, but, to be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if a number of different friends had given it to me.

As you can see, it will grow up to four times his size in water – so he’s a grower and a shower.

The instructions on back are cute:

  • Place your boyfriend grower in a container at least 4 times the size of your grower.
    Fill container with room temperature water.
  • Grow A Boyfriend will begin to grow within 2 hours & reach full growth within 72 hours.
    It will slowly shrink to smaller size when removed from water.
  • Your Boyfriend grower can be grown over and over again.

Perhaps what makes the product awesome is the “3+” notation – you can see it just to the left of his feet.

My Grow A Boyfriend stays on my bulletin board – so I see him out of the corner of my eye fairly often. I’ve not yet put him in water and I probably won’t – because it’s nice having him safe in packaging.


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.

Whatchamacallit 130: ANA Folding Fan

Fan from ANA

When I went to Japan, to Hiroshima, for the first time, back in 2013, I made a point of flying ANA, All Nippon Airways, there. At the time, they flew the 787 from Frankfurt to Tokyo Handea. I came back on Swiss via Toyko Narita.

I think the number of times that I have bought crap from Duty Free onboard an airplane can be counted on one hand – I can remember two times, but I imagine I might have done it two or three more times.

This is what I bought onboard one of my ANA flights – an ANA branded folding fan with an airplane motif. I love the detail: even the arms have little airplanes in them. The subtle branding of ANA on the main visible arm to the right.

It came in a carrying case. Which is where the fan stays 99.99% of the time. I would not want to use it in my daily life, instead it hides out on a shelf – a quick little surprise every time I run into it.


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.

Whatchamacallit 129: Berliner Luft (Part 1)

Berliner Luft

A year or two ago I was in a la-di-da kids shop, Kleine Gesellschaft, in Prenzlauer Berg, where I stumbled upon “Berliner Luft.”

It’s the kind of kids shop that is so upscale and pretentious that it has its own brand toys.

This is, simply put, a bottle of soapy water, complete with one of those rings on a stick, that you can use to make bubbles.

The fact that it is “Berliner Luft in Seifenblasen” – “Berlin air in soap bubbles” – makes it even more ridiculous.

Yes, I know there is more Berliner Luft out there; there’s a reason this is part 1!

On the website, these are currently going for 1.71€ a bottle, so I probably paid 1.75€ to 2€ in the shop.

Right now, it stands on a shelf in front of my router, which is visible from where I work, so I see it quite often. I might have used it once or twice – as I recall, getting the lid off is surprisingly difficult.


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.

Whatchamacallit 128: Vase

Vase

I bought this vase in, I believe, December 2018, at the Japanese Christmas Market.

The market was held at Malzfabrik, which is located “behind” (sort-of) the Schöneberg IKEA. I went to the market with my two Italian friends – where, generally speaking, we had fun.

There were two negative things about the market: first, it was crowded – like these things always are – which made it difficult to get around and for me to not want to leave immediately. Second, related directly to the first point, is that some horrible mother kept ramming into the back of my legs with her stroller because she wanted me to move faster – as if I could magically make everybody in front of me vanish – so that she could pick her kid up from somewhere deeper in the Christmas Market.

Signature on vase

While I can remember looking at a lot of things – and I think I bought a few things – this vase is the only object that stands out. It was for sale in the main room and I almost did not buy it. We were making our way to the exit when I stopped to look at the pottery for sale – I really liked all of the pottery, but I think that I could only justify buying one object, something affordable. This met my criteria, although I no longer know how much I paid.

There’s a signature on the bottom – I tried to make it out: Cirze or Crize? Neither really comes up with anything useful on Google.

I’ve never used it for anything but decorative purposes: its subtle design is really pretty to look at.

It sits on the table with all my whisk(e)ys, so I see it fairly often.


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.

Whatchamacallit 127: Star Trek Figures from 2009 / Burger King

Star Trek figures

This small collection of Star Trek characters was acquired while I lived in Weimar.

These were the toys included with kid’s meals at Burger King – and I discovered that they existed too late to eat enough meals to get all the toys – so I have Scotty, Kirk, Old Spock, Sulu, and Young Spock. By pressing a button on the back, each character delivers a critical line.

In German.

Old Spock says, “Frieden und das langes Leben.”

Literally translated, this is “Peace and Long Life,” or “Live Long and Prosper,” as it is actually delivered in English.

Amazingly, the batteries still work – so I can listen to the characters talk whenever I want.

As I kid, I never got into Star Wars – still have not as an adult – I was into Star Trek. ST:TOS, ST:TNG. Never got into Deep Space 9. Watched some of Voyager, before losing interest. Never saw Enterprise, Discovery, or Picard. The 2009 Star Trek reboot might have been the last Star Trek film I bothered to see.

The toys currently sit on a column behind my couch, next to the previously described wooden tree – a cute reminder of what I used to love.

I still do, just not enough to watch it regularly.


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.

Whatchamacallit 126: Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Dr. Seuss - Oh the places you'll go

When I left the States to (temporarily) move to Germany, this was a present from one of my wonderful colleagues at Indiana University Bloomington.

It lived in my office before I moved to Berlin, in Berlin it lives in my bookcase, catching my eye, bringing me back to Bloomington. It also describes my life shockingly well.


During the Covid-19 crisis, I am going to try and make a point of writing a blog post about an object in my home.

We’ll see how long this lasts.