July 2004


White Glove Treatment

I just occurred to me that I have set myself up to get the full body cavity search twice in one day: I have one way tickets to Frankfurt. i might as well fly naked…

6 comments to White Glove Treatment

  • Chris C

    Oh come on… you know you’ll enjoy every second of it. 😉

    Though giving extra scrutiny to one way passengers seems a bit odd. They are just as much of a threat to the aircraft as round-trip ticket holders. It wouldn’t have mattered what kind of ticket Mohammed Atta and his pals had, all they needed to do was get onto the airplane.

    The way they are conducting security is a joke. They don’t even scan the cargo other than passengers luggage. If I were a terrorist, I’d just send a nice package of C4 next day AIR and make sure the bricks were attached to an altitude sensing trigger.

    I’m also grouchy about the fact that so-called “trusted travelers” will not face the same security scruitiny as the rest of us. Did the government learn nothing? The terrorists will just be patient. They certainly were with the methods they used on 9/11 by attending flight training, right? All the jerks have to do is get one of the trusted traveler cards and breeze through security by doing nothing more difficult than becoming frequent travelers.

    What do we got, four more years of the Shrub because Nader is being a short sighted ass?

  • Anonymous

    I’d check you anyway even if you’re travling round trip…you’re spooky! 😉

  • Chris C

    Actually I’m the one that notices the oddities that get through. Reverse chronology here:

    February 2003 RDU-OAK-ORD – A woman is let through security at RDU to board my plane with a simply HUGE (like 18-24 inch) knitting needle. Gee, that can’t hurt anyone.

    May 2002 SFO-DTW-GSO – While traveling through security at SFO, I get my male parts manhandled by the security agent in front of everyone. The little bastard at the security gate put his hand down the front of my pants. After he is done fondling me I’m forced to take off my shoes, etc. while I watch rather questionable things get let through security. I suppose they thought I was hiding a shiv either in my shoes or, less likely, in my urethra.

    February 2002 GSO-PIT-ORD – Male passenger is sitting next to me holding a California drivers license. O.K., not odd in and of itself, but if you know US airline domestic route structures you might want to question why he is flying from GSO to ORD since that route is nowhere NEAR California. I suppose he could have been a student at one of our local colleges, etc. On the return trip ORD-CLT-GSO I get stopped at the gate in CLT for the proctological exam.

    I’m getting the impression they view me like the photo I had on my official US Passport (the red covered one given to government representatives, not the blue tourist issue… Yes, I had 2 valid passports once). I looked like a Turkish terrorist in that photo. I wish I still had that passport just to show people. =)

  • I’ve flown routes that don’t involve my drivers license state. AMS-DTW-ORF comes to mind.. Drivers Licenses don’t indicate much… what’s more relevant is how much do you fly overall. As somebody who’s already logged over 25,000 miles (as counted, not flown, flown is probablz only 20,000) on NWA and its partners this year, I’m probably not a great threat. However two one way tickets on UA and SQ don’t know this factoid and there isn’t that much data sharing.

    (Yes, two one way tickets: IND-IAD-JFK and JFK-FRA, separate tickets.)

  • MT

    Christ! I am *always* searched. What – do short fat, red haired women look like terrorists? In Lafayette, Louisiana, I thought I was going to have to get nekkid — I had on blue jeans and the metal rivets were a problem, as were the metal hooks on the back of my bra, and the metal in my 2 inch platform shoes.

    The worst things I saw, however, was a woman flying with her child. She was loaded down with all sorts of stuff. Of course, she was a selectee. Of course, they took her kid (baby) from her while they ran the wand over her. Of course, the kid screamed bloody murder — and made it an interesting trip (at least the first part). *UGH*

  • Chris C

    MT, I’m sure you’re just running into all the folks that have a thing for red heads just as I seem to run into the folks that like fondling the passengers.

    Wasn’t it one of the “Airplane” movies where they were doing the security search and they were giving someone the rough going over for something simple like a pencil and in the background you see people being let through with AK-47’s, hand grenades, maces, swords, catapults, tanks, etc.?

    That’s what I think airline security is like these days. I mean, letting that huge metal spike through (the knitting needle in my comment above) but taking away your fingernail clippers.

    I need a new tin-foil hat. 🙂