KFC

Dear KFC,

I am worried. I just read that six people were killed while dining at a KFC in Pakistan. Four were burned to death and two were in your big refridgerator when (i assume) they entered cold storage directly.

Suddenly, my lunch plans are not sure. I was going to go have some of your delicious, but not fast food, chicken at my local Bloomington, Indiana, KFC. But now, I am scared. I hate guns. I hate being burned at the stake (I have scars from my last burning still). I hate eating under the hateful eyes of protesters who are trying to burn me.

Is this going to happen at my local KFC here in Indiana? I mean, it could spread. I dunno where pakistan is, but I think there are some stans here in Indiana. I think you need to post guards to protect people eating your fried chicken, and as a benefit they will also protect the Colonel’s secrets.

Your number 1 fan–but i don’t want to burn