December 2006


Thick And Thin

Hopefully I will not regret this post.

In case you haven’t noticed, and there really isn’t a reason for most of you to have noticed, I was attacked this past weekend in response to some criticism I posted about the Gay Men Rule blog.

It’s kind of odd to me: As far as I can tell from the comments left on my blog and the two private communications I received from the attacker, my most grievous sin was to suggest that four posts about World AIDS Day on one blog were (in essence) three too many. I respectfully disagree: One post about World AIDS Day sends a serious message. Four trivializes it beyond belief and offends me—but given freedom of speech, they are free to trivialize World AIDS Day, and I am free to criticize their behavior. Funny how that works.

The part that puzzles me the most about the response to my criticism was the personal nature of the attack. The attacker went so far to say “Fuck You” in a comment on the blog that has since been deleted. (The attacker claims that any one of the 70 co-authors of the web site could have been responsible for deleting both my and his comments; I don’t care who deleted the comments, the point is that they were deleted.)

It’s a shame that this individual cannot respond to criticism without going out and making personal attacks. Had he responded that he disagreed with me and listed some reasons, we could have engaged in an interesting debate. Instead the individual did not follow the directions on my blog carefully enough and got frustrated when his comments were held for moderation. During his frustration his attacks became more colorful. I offered to let him delete up to three of his duplicate remarks (within certain parameters), but he chose not to do so, so they are all visible for viewing.

I could let his attacks go unanswered—but I think it is too important to let them stand without some kind of response, so I am going to pick out some of the points the individual made and respond to them here.

How ironic to come upon such a censorious post from you when that’s exactly what you accuse our blog of. Maybe if you took some time to read the mission of the blog, you’d change your mind. Probably not though, as you sound like a jaded old queen. One thing you don’t see us do is picking apart the writings of other bloggers. But if we ever do, I can assure you – that you will be on the top of the list. World AIDS DAY is a big Deal. Get over it!!!

I read what I thought was the mission of the blog after reading this comment. Unfortunately I did not understand how it was suppose to change my mind about Gay Men Rule. After being informed that what I read was not the mission, I re-reviewed the blog. I am unable to ascertain what the “correct” mission is: it is too well hidden—It’s not the statement inside the “About this blog” box from what I’ve been told.

Now for the first point of the attack: It is true that I was censorious, after all that is the point of criticism. This was where the personal attacks began: Am I a jaded old queen? I dunno—I suppose sometimes I might have some of those attitudes, but I tend to think that in general I am pretty down to earth. I do have my moments—and all of my friends have witnessed those moments, but my friends also help keep me grounded—See the Cynical Queer remind me, rightly so, that whilst Amsterdam is old hat for me, it is all new for him. He did so in a nice, respectful way.

It’s just beyond etiquette for another blogger to criticize another blog. If you are such great friends with scotty as you seem to imply in your story, I’m sure he would not approve of this entry of yours. Lastly, I am a 51 year old man, and I don’t appreciate your tone of condescension – someone needs to knock your arrogant ass down to where it belongs!!!!

Here my attacker talks about blogging etiquette stating that it is “beyond etiquette for another blogger to criticize another blog.” Strange. Somebody better inform Little Green Footballs—the nature of discourse is to criticize and to learn from and improve arguments based on criticism. Bloggers criticize other blogs all the time, it just is the nature of the beast. I find it hard to believe that I am the first to criticize Gay Men Rule, but maybe I am.

Secondly, the attacker thinks I am “great friends with” Scotty. I am friends with Scotty: he is the boyfriend of my ex-roommate. (Husband might be a better term, not sure here.) That said, at no point did I ever imply in the entry that I was great friends with Scotty—it was not even remotely hinted at in the entry—I said I subscribed to the Gay Men Rule blog because Scotty is a contributor. I’ve subscribed to any number of blogs because somebody I’ve read (but do not know) has recommended that I read another blog. The logic by the attacker is hard to follow here.

Finally, I don’t understand what being 51 has to do with anything other than being old enough to join AARP. I was slightly condescending in a comment I left on the Gay Men Rule blog, but since its been deleted, its hard to dissect what I wrote. C’est la vie: It was not my decision to delete the comment.

and I think it’s better to have a desire to change the world than to be some jealous expatriate in germany who is not apart of any gay community – showing large elements of arrogance. Lastly, what positive thing are you offering the blogworld?????

In this attack I am suddenly forced to defend the fact that I live abroad. I will not defend the fact that I live abroad in a small city with a relatively invisible gay population. I’m not going to change my circumstances in the next month so why should I worry about it. I’m also called jealous—eh, not really. There are times I yearn for visiting gay centers, so I do. I’m also content where I am.

The desire to change the world is one I do have—and I do help change the world in positive ways with what I do. However as I keep my professional life separate from my personal life, that is all I am going to say.

In terms of what positive thing I offer the blog world? I offer myself and my experiences: I’ve blogged about my experiences in Prague, Berlin, Vancouver, and Armenia. It get a fair number of hits on my blog related to these subjects. Occasionally I even get email asking for help with these destinations. I do my best. However the primary motivation for my blog is for it to be a way for me to connect with my friends back home in the States, in Canada, in the United Kingdom, in Belgium, and Germany. Not all of them comment, but I do get private emails responding to my entries.

… You are such a jealous and petty person – and yet you don’t even see it? … Give it a rest already, this 51 year old can see right through your transparency!

Another personal attack on me. Fortunately I am impervious! (Bonus points if you can name the movie reference.)

I can see no reason for you posting this story other than to upset people like me. That’s the only reason – especially when I read your responses to the things I say. Have fun with it, and your miserable life. … And as far as my behavior and think my ill health justifies my reactions to assinine post 🙂

Apparently the attacker cannot understand criticism and takes it too personally. Again, at no point did I attack anybody in my original post. I said that I thought that four blog entries about World AIDS Day was too many, and I said that the attitude that all gay films must reflect the totality of gay diversity is somewhat alarming.

The most disturbing aspect of this comment is the notion that “ill health justifies my reactions.” Presuming this is true, I cannot wait to read George W. Bush’s autobiography. Bush has already used this type of excuse to justify a lot of things but not this exact excuse.

Ultimately I do not feel like I did anything wrong in my original blog entry. The only thing I regret is my comment where I wrote, “Congratulations on reaching 51. You behave like you’re 15.” That was too much of a personal attack for my personal style, and I regret it—but I’m not going to delete it because it would violate my personal blogging rules: I only make significant changes to entries under dire circumstances, and then I make not of it. I can update hyperlinks and fix entries where something has gone wrong due to underlying blogging software issues. I also do not delete legitimate comments: attacks on me, responses to entries, and criticism are welcome. I do, however, delete spam that tries to take advantage of my server to promote pornographic websites. If I should ever decide to accept advertising and they are willing to pay what I want them to pay, then they will be welcome to place advertising on my site, just not in the comments.

Oh yes, and the attacker was so incensed, that he read all of the entries that were, at the time, showing on the homepage, and left this one on “The Bird.” It amused me. If I were to institute a “comment of the week” type of feature, it would win the comment of the week award.


This is a boring blog.

12 comments to Thick And Thin

  • On a related note, I want to point out that in my entry, “Rumsfeld Revenge” there was a discussion where people disagreed significantly with my criticism of the effort to bring Defense Secretary Rumsfeld to court in Germany.

    Nobody ever attacked me in said post, rather they critiqued my stance and we had an interesting discussion. I learned quite a bit from the discussion, and whilst I haven’t shifted the core of my belief, some of the edges have moved.

  • Joshua

    What I find interesting about you is how you apologized in private – and then turn around and write another blog entry as if you’re the one being attaced. Take this as far as you wish. Somehow, someway – you’re getting pleasure out of all of this. I did not attack you. I went into full detail as to why there were 4 entries – and you skirted right over that. Peace

  • Joshua

    And believe me, Elmada – I deeply regret that anyone deleted those comments from you, because they were personal attacks from you – which is what you saw me responding to on your blog. You can play victim and act clueless as to why I’m reacting the way I am. But you know the truth – and I know the truth. And no matter how many blog entries you try to write to demonstrate your victimhood – you are full of it!!!! As far as that yawn, your blog is boring. I did not leave that message!!!! You yourself, stated to me that you have a been a victim of spam – it looks like someone else has been playing with you as well – and it wasn’t I. Once again, why no mention of my explanation for the 4 entries about World AIDS Day. And why do you leave out your comment about us being know-it-all’s “You Know The Type?”

  • Joshua:

    1) I did not aplogize in private, unless you took my explanation of how the “CAPTCHA” as an apology. It wasn’t: it was an explanation of why your comments were held for moderation.

    2) I understand why there are four entries: You have 70 contributors and don’t coordinate anything. That doesn’t change the fact that 4 entries about World AIDS Day is overkill and trivializes the issue.

    3) Strange: your comments today, your comments on the post where I discuss Gay Men Rule, and the comment on “The Bird” all come from the same IP address. You apparently use comcast.net as your service provider. I could post the entire IP address, but I won’t. If you honestly did not post the comment under “The Bird,” then either your house was burglarized, your broadband connection is being stolen, or Comcast has a funny sense of humour.

    The spam attacks I have been getting have not once left remarks of this kind, they leave invitations to go see porno blogs. It’s highly unlikely that out of the 300+ spam comments I received this weekend that exactly one would have this message and come from your IP address.

  • Joshua

    All’s I can say Adam, is for someone who accuses all of us on Gay Men Rule as being Know-it-all’s YOU KNOW THE TYPE – it sure seems as though you are much more like that than any of us. Heck you’ve now done – two blog entries about us. I’m just wondering what kind of reaction you were expecting from any contributor of Gay Men Rule who stumbled upon your censorious blog entry? Writing 4 entries about World AIDS Day does not trivialize it – and it’s unfortunate you would see it that way. I know, for me – since I lost every one of my friends during the height of the AIDS epidemic – it isn’t talked about enough!!!!! I’m just wondering when this spat will end? Because between your blog entries, comments on my blog, and your myblog emails – you are wearing me out. I have more important things in life to worry about than stroking your arrogance and ego. Capiche.!!!!

  • jen

    i have NO idea what’s going on with the gaymenrule thingy, but i want to tell you i love you anyway, and am mad that someone is picking on MY buddy adam. i don’t belong to many online forums anymore because it is an inevitablility that someone gets mad and a flaming war ensues that i can’t get out of no matter how hard i try. my friend motorcity bad kitty says that arguing with most people online is like competing in the special olympics: everyone is retarded and everyone wins. don’t let the clowns get to you, okay?

  • MT

    Good F***ing Grief. Just ban Joshua already. What a jerk. And I don’t think your blog is boring – you lead a must more exotic life than I ever have. 😉

  • Adam,

    If you’re done, can I play with Joshua?

    I am obviously the kind of blogger he needs to vent on:

    0) I live abroad. (Florida)

    1) My blog is boring. (Seriously, I fall asleep reading it all the time.)

    2) I am a know it all. (This is true.)

    3) I am clueless. (They call me Alicia.)

    There, please send Joshua to play in the Temple of Me. It’s lonely.

    I’ll even make four posts about World AIDS Day. Every day for a week.

  • Alas, it was the four posts about AIDS in one day that annoyed me.

    I’m not going to touch this subject too much for now, but I will say that I have never, not once, not ever, changed anybody’s comments on this blog–despite what he says. Furthermore, I have over 1,000 entries that can be analyzed and my writing style has never approached anything like the comments that he claims were “changed” (which is different than the disowning he was doing before). The writing in the comments, however, does match the writing of his own blog– on the google blogging service, account name “smiley-” — look through the archives and you’ll see what I mean.

    Presuming the archives haven’t been deleted.

    Also Domoni: I just tried (again) to post a comment on your blog, and I still get an error message. Did you implement a spam preventative action without putting someplace for me to put the response?

  • I implemented a comment preventative action.

    I mistyped the word “comment” in a template.

    Insert self-derogatory comment here.

  • Joshua

    I find it humorous that anyone is still even discussing this, Adam. Persuse my archives I haven’t deleted anything nor do I have anything to hide. And I think your personality and true colors are coming to light – to even think that you are doing this much investigation on me. I marked you off as a lunatic and got verification of that – for the most part – from people who actually know you. O well – I’m on blog break so if you’re still holding a grudge in June; check in with me.

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