The Sanctimonious Faggot’s Film Reviews

I know its been awhile since I last did anything that would specifically annoy Mr. J – that man who went after me and called me names last December (and no, I will not link to him in this post, but if you want his current URL, email me).

One of the oddest things about the whole scenario is that after he claimed I changed his comments to make him look like a crazed idiot (I never once changed his comments, he looked like a crazed idiot all by himself), is that he decided to up and quit blogging for six month.

At least that’s what he announced he would do.

However, he didn’t quit blogging for six months. He might have “quit” blogging for six days, but even then I find it highly doubtful. About the only thing he actually did was to flee Blogger Beta for an alternative blogging service—in his case WordPress. Now I doubt he did this specifically to escape my attention—he, like many others including at least two friends I can think of off the top of my head, must have found the new interface obtuse/useless/ill designed/whatever as they fled to WordPress.

I don’t hold that against him.

That said, I’ve been pondering some way to honor and remember that original blog post that annoyed him. I’ve come up with The Sanctimonious Faggot’s Film Reviews.

The point behind these film reviews is to allow me to be something I’m not: an uptight and anal retentive faggot who thinks that all gay movies must have proportional representation of all gay subcultures. In other words, for every 10 characters, two must be straight acting Anglos, one must be a drag queen, two African-American, two Asian, two fully developed lesbians, and one must be a flaming queen stuck in the closet.

Additionally, because gay films must accurately represent the gay world, yet also present a palatable and inviting image to the straight world, there cannot be any drug usage, leather, or bears.

Whilst it is permissible to have kisses, no tongue action can be shown or implied.

Finally, there can absolutely, positively, be no sex whatsoever—the characters must be bland and asexual, although condoms must be discretely displayed in order to ensure an anti-HIV/AIDS message is included.

I want to make sure that I have flushed out my grading criteria before I actually apply this to an actual film (and I have two films in mind to test). Do you have any suggested additions or corrections to what I’ve outlined above? Other important categories? Your input is greatly appreciated.