December 2007


WWJD: Christ-like Behavior

Growing up, I lived across the street from a church.

A worse neighbor I could not imagine, so it was no surprise when one of my siblings announced this Christmas eve morning, that she was looking forward to another year of the family’s annual park-up-the-street event.

It’s the family’s way of eeking out revenge on the church’s unChrist-like behavior.

From plowing their parking lot at 2am, trash pick-ups at 3am, and plowing snow directly into the middle of the street, the church makes its neighbor’s lives worse.

So this afternoon, before the Christmas Eve services start, my family parks up the street in front of the house to maximum effect: each car is carefully parked in order to leave as much space as possible between the two cars, without a third car fitting between them.

Now some might call my family’s behavior “unchristlike” but my family isn’t anything, so it’s not incumbent upon us to ask “what would Jesus do;” we just judge them by their own behavioral standards and have noticed that they have failed. These Christians might think they are on their way to heaven, but we know that when (and if) the time comes, these Christians are on their way to hell.

I know this might disturb some of you, but it really is a warm family tradition to park-up the street. We gather around the table for a roast beef dinner, with all the trimmings, exchange presents, and spread good-cheer.

At least amongst ourselves.

7 comments to WWJD: Christ-like Behavior

  • one of the extra fun features of the churches in my old DC neighborhood was how they double-parked everybody in on Sunday mornings, and also made streets impassable for emergency vehicles, blocked wheelchair curb cuts (God hates cripples!), blocked hydrants, etc.

    If anybody pointed out that this is illegal, unsafe, or just plain disrespectful of the people who live in the neighborhood, they were called a racist gentrifying homo bastard.

    Apparently being Christian means it’s okay to break the law, endanger and inconvenience your neighbors, all while enjoying tax free status. Yay God!

  • I have also noticed that many churches aren’t very good at shoveling their sidewalks when it snows. By their fruits ye shall know them!

  • I remember your brother talking about this the last time I visited your family. Oh my… that’s been nearly ten years ago now. *blush*

    Tell them I said, “Happy Holidays!”

  • Disenchanted

    Hysterical! And here we were earlier today, pulling our cars into the driveway as far as possible so that the crazy in-laws could keep their van off the street. But then, we like our neighbors. 😀

    As for the crazy inlaws, well, they still aren’t here. Good grief.

  • Oh no, this doesn’t disturb me at all. In fact I spit my tea all over the keyboard just trying to picture it! Kind of makes me wish we lived across the street from a church too. 🙂

    A very Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  • The bible-thumping, church-going machanics who owned the one and only gas station in the one-horse town I grew up in used to rip my father off regularly with work that didn’t need to be done or billed him for work that was not even done. Why he never called them out on it I’ll never know. Too trusting, I guess.

  • @John: I remember once reading an interview with a police officer who felt bad ticketing people who were attending church. Grrrr…. They get to be bad, we do not.

    @Giovanni: Disturbingly true in general; although not that true about the church across the street from my parents.

    @cq: it never ends.

    @disenchanted: I don’t think you hate your neighbors as much as my parents hate that church.

    @christina: It would be fun the first year.

    @ian: Hmmmm… I call people out all the time for misbehavior. I even tell cashiers when the undercharge me–it’s amazing how much they don’t want to believe me.