April 2008


Inadequate Feeling

Wednesday night it was late and I was having a post-dinner drink with Monsieur Namur.

We were at a very nice French restaurant located in the heart of Rotterdam, located a few short steps from my hotel. Over the course of the evening I’d started with three pre-dinner white beers, followed by two glasses of red wine with my dinner, and three cognacs with dessert.

Surprisingly I remained upright and not drunk through all of this.

While consuming these 8 drinks, and eating my meal, I’d sort of had my eye on the cute (typically Dutch) tall bartender with high cheekbones and curly dark hair. After following him around the restaurant with my eyes whilst seated, Monsieur Namur proposed that we retire to the bar for one last drink and so that I could better appreciate the eye-candy.

Drink Number Nine, a trappist beer from Belgium, was at the bar, where Monsieur Namur and I watched the bartender teach somebody how to properly wash drink glasses using a bar’s equipment.

Whenever I wanted to know the time, I had several choices: my watch, the clock on the wall, or the bartender’s arm. He was wearing the typically gay-Dutch watch: a time piece so enormous and large that one can read it from 5 meters away without putting on your glasses. Of course I am assuming he’s gay—but it seems likely given his chosen profession (unnamed here), behavior (which could be mistaken for Euro-male), and watch.

The watch seems gay to me because I’ve only noticed discernibly gay men wearing them.

Say the customers at Loge 90, the gay bar I popped into last night for a couple of quick beers. It’s not the closest gay bar to my hotel, only the second or third closest (maybe fourth, but I’m not getting out my measuring stick). Five minutes away, I braved the cold, entered the bar and sat down. The extremely attractive bartender was wearing a similar watch, as were a number of other men in the bar.

It kind of makes me wonder if the gay men of The Netherlands have substituted Watch Envy for the more traditional Penis Envy. Am I supposed to judge the boys by the sizes of their watches? Is it like judging men by their cars: those with Porsches are small, while those with VW Beetles are enormous? What does my 1-inch diameter $30 Timex Indiglo say about me?

Inquiring minds want to know.

I’m thinking about strapping a wall clock to my wrist tomorrow night when I go out dancing.

4 comments to Inadequate Feeling

  • I’m glad it ended up being your 1-inch diameter watch and not something else that could possibly be described that way.

  • It’s really fascinating to read about fads around the world, such as large watches worn by gay men in Europe.

    I wonder if it will cross over to the States….

  • mateo

    Strange….but I can actually picture Adam walking around with a big wall clock attached to his wrist. I’m really not sure why. Must be from watching all those drag queens last night with all their oversized accessories!

  • @cq: Thanks for reminding me how inadequate I really am.

    @cameron: I’ve only seen this in Rotterdam, it seems incredibly sticky to here. I haven’t noticed it in Berlin, and quite frankly, it looks really stupid. Unless of course its a hot guy wearing it!

    @mateo: Miss Gay IU?!?! way cool! I hope it was a lot of fun!