May 2008


Dear Hillary,

Some text below may be slightly, errr… off color. If you are easily offended, come back tomorrow.

Dear Hillary,

Please quit whilst you are ahead.

I realize that I have been a long term supporter and that I think you would be a better president that Obama, but the fact of the matter is that Obama is ahead and I don’t see how you could legitimately catch up.

Even if Florida and Michigan’s “votes” are some how counted.

These two states were so excited that they prematurely ejaculated, despite significant warning from the national party committee to take it slow and wait their turn at the gang bang. Now that they’ve gone and blown their loads, after only pleasuring themselves with your lavish attention, they’ve been prohibited from participating in the summer convention.

The party got it right and should not back down: Florida and Michigan knew the rules and willfully violated said rules. If they are seated at the convention in Denver it sends precisely the wrong message to the responsible states and only serves to reinforce their bad behavior.

In essence I am willing to screw them, anally, and without lube.

It’s their own damned fault and you were the only candidate foolish enough to encourage the god-damned idiots in those states—and before you whine that it punishes the individual voters for the legislators decisions, the individuals elected the idiots who led them. Punishing them now will make them reconsider who they vote for in the future, and ensure that legislators pay attention to the rules that are set forth.

Meanwhile, Hillary, please quit.

I realize that you want to make history, but let’s be clear: you don’t have the corner on that claim to fame, Barack will make history too.

Go back to the US Senate and make a difference there—you are, by reputation, one who can unite across the aisle and that is a wonderful skill.

Unless, of course, you’ve killed it whilst on the campaign trail.



7 comments to Dear Hillary,

  • Reko

    I agree with Adam, except for the part about being a longtime supporter of yours. I think that you made a mess of health care in 1993 and that you and your husband made a mess of equality for lesbians and gay men throughout your husband’s term in office. You have a sad record of “compromise” resulting in plain failure to deliver.
    Love and best wishes,

  • Vinnie

    I’m not just mad at you, I’m also mad at your supporters in my home state of Indiana for allowing you to continue to believe you have a chance. I have already blamed them in advance for helping put Old Man McCain in office.

  • IUMike

    I think it is completely wrong to put the blame for Michigan and Florida on those state parties…New Hampshire, Iowanor any other state has a legitimate claim to be among the first that vote. And there is no question that there is an advantage to a state in holding its primaries first. As far as I’m concerned, Michigan and Florida had every right to move to the head of the line.

    Rather, it was the responsibility of the national party organization to see this race to the bottom on primary dates coming down the road. And it was the national party’s resonsibility to solve it in a way that is fair to every state. A simple rotating system would have done the trick. But they couldn’t get their act to do even that. Michigan and Florida are not to blame…the DNC and RNC are.

    I’m also not convinced that the extended primary season has been a bad thing…both candidates have gotten a lot of vetting and a lot of exposure, while McCain has been completely eclipsed. Both candidates share similar positions on issues, and so are united in their voice on what those should be. And for the first time, we have very prominent exposure to both a female candidate and a racial minority candidate, serving as role models for the future. This is aside from the fact that the margin between Senators Clinton and Obama is pretty small…small enough that either could legitimately be the candidate. So I say, let the race continue!

  • Ed

    Hillary doesn’t have the balls to drop out.

  • If I had the money, and knew the plane wouldn’t be shot down by the Bush regime, I’d hire a skywriter to write, “Surrender Hillary” over the top of the US Capitol.

  • @Reko: 🙂 Compromise is sometimes good, and I bet Clinton would have imploded had the gays in the military been forced in spring of ’93.

    @Vinnie: I wish I could understand her game. I don’t think she wants to be vp.

    @IUMike: I prefer that small states go first and that candidates have to talk to individuals. In big states, like Florida and Michigan, candidates have to resort to television because there are too many voters. As a country I think Americans are too self interested and rarely think about the greater good–I’m willing to sacrifice my own role in order to let Iowa and New Hampshire have a greater role–after all their role in the general election rarely matters–the big states are where candidates spend their time in the fall.

    @Ed: Maybe the balls will descend soon.

    @CQ: I sincerely hope you meant, “Hillary, Surrender” not “Surrender Hillary.”

  • Bill Smith

    The problem is that if Clinton were to have dropped out before the Kentucky primary, she might nevertheless have won. For the Obama, the frontrunner, to be beaten by a candidate who had dropped out would be embarrassing to say the least.

    The only primaries left are South Dakota, Montana, and Puerto Rico. If South Dakota and Montana vote the same way as their geographical neighbors, Obama will win them easily. However, as of early April, Clinton was ahead of Obama in Puerto Rico by 13 points. Although that’s pretty old data, unless much better numbers come up for Obama it would probably be better for the Democratic party if Clinton stayed in the race until after the Puerto Rico primary.