Bathing in Turkey

I’ve stopped in Augsburg, Germany, for a Big Event, which I will not describe beyond saying it’s a work related Big Event.

Tomorrow I leave this beautiful city for HoosierLand with 25€ of chocolate in my suitcase, a Turkey T-Shirt, and dirty laundry. Don’t worry, everything is separated.

After my overnight bus ride from Beach City, Turkey, to Istanbul, I had six hour before my flight—3 if you discount the time it takes to get to the airport plus checking in with an excessive, but comfortable, margin of error for a new-to-me city.

With that time I decided to visit the Cemberlitas Hamami and get cleaned up: sitting on a bus for nine hours is dirty work, especially when the bus company puts two larger males next to each other—I would have preferred the thin fem looking Turk, but I got what I got.

The plan was simple: get a shave, get a bath, and get lunch before heading to the airport.

I dropped my suitcase at the bed and breakfast where I’d previously stayed—the host was kind enough to let me keep my key so I wouldn’t have to disturb him when I got back to Istanbul, and then headed onto the streets.

Unlike the States, Istanbul has lots of barber shops. In the first five minutes of walking, I counted three, and I went into the third, where I suddenly felt like I was the oldest customer they’d had in a long time—a neat trick considering I’m not that old. It also had a quasi-gay feel about it, but that’s not a feeling I trust given the cultural signaling.

I mimed that I wanted a shave, and that’s what a I got—a professional-ish shave, complete with a shaving brush and straight razor. It was nice having somebody else do it, save for the fact that it wasn’t actually that good a shave. I do better by myself with a mirror or whist taking a hot shower. Cost: 6 lira, or 3,05€.

After that I hopped onto a tram and went to the Cemberlitas Hamami, a traditional Turkish bath built in 1584 and located next to the Grand Bazaar. Because I had the luxury of time (but not that much) and an excessive number of Turkish Lira, I went for the biggest package, which not only included a professional washing me, but a 30 minute oil massage.

The bath is a wonderful experience. I spent 15 or 20 minutes lying on the big heated stone under a gigantic dome sweating and doing nothing—it was like lying on the beach in Portugal, except I didn’t need sun screen and at the conclusion of it, some guy was going to come along and scrub away the dirt. Which is what happened: after not doing a thing for awhile, a guy came to scrub me from head to toe, skipping the very middle.

It was wonderfully relaxing and soapy. I actually felt like I was going to slip off of the heated stone pedestal. Once he was done, and this included washing my hair, I was escorted to the massage room, where I was given a lovely massage. Seriously this is something I almost never do, and I regret not doing it. The guy massaged everything and by the end of it, I was putty.

Finally I was washed off again and took a quick shower where I could wash the more private parts. Total cost: 79 Lira, or 40,19€. It was a rather decadent way to spend my morning, and well worth it. When I left the Hamami, I felt perfectly clean: I’d brought clean underwear and a shirt to make sure I felt that way.

From there I headed to the Grand Bazaar where I found a restaurant, where I had an early lunch—so early I suspect I was the first customer of the day.

Once I was done eating, I had a leisurely stroll back to the B&B where I picked up my bags and headed to the airport with plenty of time to spare.

It was the perfect close to my time in Turkey.

B&B Note: Given that homosexuality is legal in Turkey, but not widely accepted, I’m not going to say a lot about the B&B where I stayed, except that it was very gay and very nice. It’s definitely a place for gay bears and the owner is very helpful and wonderful. If you’re going to Istanbul and are interested in knowing where I stayed, please drop me a line.