Pick-A-Day

December 2021
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Archives

From the In-Box

REF; OVER DUE PAYMENT ON CONTRACT #: MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009:

ATTENTION:

Sir/Madam,

From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria, your name and company was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding Contract who have not yet received their payments. I wish to inform you that your payment […]

Early Thoughts

As I write this, it has been 8 hours since the bomb attacks in London and 7 hours since I first learned about them (Guardian | Newsblog).

Much like September 11th has become defined by one year in history, 2001, July 7 will now be defined by a singular terrorist attack in London.

I feel […]

KFC

Dear KFC,

I am worried. I just read that six people were killed while dining at a KFC in Pakistan. Four were burned to death and two were in your big refridgerator when (i assume) they entered cold storage directly.

Suddenly, my lunch plans are not sure. I was going to go have some of […]

Amazing… Race

Dear Adam,

I know that you “love” Rebecca, but I have news for you.

You’re GAY.

Gay as they come-I don’t care if you’re a gym bunny who chased Rebecca and convinced her that you’re straight, you’re just kidding yourself. You’re flamingly GAY, and it’s painfully obvious to everybody-even Rebecca thought you were gay, and […]

Letter Writing

Read this one at MT’s site.

Diebold Response I

Wed 7/14/2004 10:58 PM (CEDT, or 2:58p, Indiana Time)

Good Afternoon Mr. Lederer:

Thank you for your correspondence of 7/13/04.

Mr. Sepanski asked that I let you know we have used Diebold’s services for many dozens of years and have b een pleased with their performance. We are aware of the problems in California, and […]

Diebold Protest

Dear President Sepanski,

I have been a member of the IU Credit Union since 1998, the summer I first moved to Bloomington. In that time I have used the Credit Union for the vast majority of my day-to-day financial services needs.

However, I am concerned because I’ve recently noticed trucks from Diebold outside your east […]

Constant Sales

Bank One Corporation 1 Bank One Plaza Chicago, IL 60670

To Whom It May Concern:

I recently visited one of your Bloomington area Bank One branches in order to make a deposit into my employers account. He was unable to complete the transaction himself because he is away on leave in Germany.

At the conclusion […]

A Letter for Today

Dear Comptroller Schaefer,

I read with much happiness your recent criticism of the McDonald’s employees who do not speak English clearly.

I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments on the matter.

Immigrants to the United States should be compelled to learn English-with strict penalties for not learning English. For example, I advocate a ten percent immediate […]

Revisiting History, Part 2

So after I posted the letter about Janet Jackson’s boob, I was reminded by a friend that last week I wrote a letter to the coaches at Pleasantville Middle School in New Jersey. As you might recall, one of the coaches issues a Cry-Baby Award (registration required) to one of the basketball players. I was […]