January 2022


Mid-January Rants on #fb #bvg #sbahnberlin #porn and wellness

I feel a bunch of rants coming on – so in no particular order:

First: On Facebook I hate people who send out blanket invitations to every event they’re hosting or interested in. News Flash: I don’t feel special – or actually “invited” – when all 1,000 of your friends are invited. Actually, come to think of it, I’m not really sure why we’re friends.

Second: I must congratulate BVG and S-Bahn Berlin for coordinating the route closures and construction. S-Bahn Berlin is closing the S1, S2, and S25 through the heart of the city starting Friday evening (lasting through May), leaving only replacement bus service. BVG is working on the U6 and U7 lines: The U7 will have replacement bus service between U-Möckernbrücke and U-Hermannplatz, a segment that includes U-Mehringdamm, the connection point to the U6 (and Currywurst). The U6 will be down to pendelverkehr (a single shuttle train that goes back and forth) between U-Hallesches Tor and U Platz der Luftbrücke – running (in theory) every 12 minutes. Woe unto people trying to travel through the heart of Berlin this weekend.

Third, part 1: Last night I saw “Queer Porn Shorts” – a film evening associated with the Porn That Way exhibition going on at the Schwules Museum* (See Baby… #Berlin is Porn That Way; #glbt porn that is… for my mini-review). The theatre was packed – standing room only – for this collection of films. I lost count of how many films there were, but suffice it to say that in the queer / feminist space there are “porn” films that are not porn but are actually poorly thought out art projects that lack much merit in either the art space or the porn space. Many of the films run together in my mind (or have been completely forgotten) resulting in a confused mish-mash of impressions. I do remember that some of the films were blessedly short. There were a couple of authentic queer porn – absolutely meeting the definition of porn – films shown toward the end of the evening. Perhaps the best film of the evening was Biodildo 2.0 – a genuinely queer pornographic film that managed to not only be pornographic (and erotic) but also surprising and amusing.

Third, part 2: The hosts of the Queer Porn Shorts did not respect the audience sufficiently. I had no objections to the brief panel discussions about the films, but I wish they had started on time – a program that starts at 10:30 in the evening shouldn’t have too much of a delayed start: the last U-Bahn running in my direction was at 12:55 – the event ended at 12:36. It also started about 20 minutes late. I’ll grant that there are night buses that run the u-bahn routes, but they are less frequent and slower. This might not matter for people who don’t have jobs, but for somebody like me who wants to be (or must be) at work early in the morning after sufficient sleep, minutes count when trying to catch the last u-bahn home.

Fourth, part 1: Last week I went into the Steam Room at my gym – a woman in there claimed it was “too hot” – so she wanted to keep the door open. News Flash: When you keep the door to the steam room open, it’s no longer a steam room. It’s neither steamy, nor hot – the two defining characteristics of a steam room. The idiot in question – I might note – had been in the steam room for roughly 30 minutes – and left the room in a huff when I objected (both in German and English) to leaving the door open.

Fourth, part 2: People who use scented oils in the steam room are also annoying. I don’t care which scent it is, it’s disgusting. I used to think that a tiny amount of mint might be OK – and it probably is – but most of the assholes who use scents in the steam room fail to understand the concept of moderation. Saturday I walked into the steam room and in five seconds the MINT SCENT OMG was already inside my nose and eyes. Sometimes there’s so much MINT SCENT OMG that I actually feel chilled – remarkable when considering how measurably hot the steam room usually is (provided some idiot hasn’t left the door open).

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